What to Divorce When You are Divorcing: Self-Pity

Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable. – Maya Angelou

You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t indulge in a little “woe is me” thinking in the first weeks and months after your marriage ends. But at some point you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and move on.

Never feel self-pity, the most destructive emotion there is. How awful to be caught up in the terrible squirrel cage of self. – Millicent Fenwick

Why is self-pity so destructive? Because the longer you engage in it the more thoroughly you will be convinced that you deserve what happened and the less likely you be to take the steps needed to move beyond it.

Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality. – John W. Gardner

What is the reality you need to focus on? You are not the only woman to go through you what you are going through and that you are not a victim of your circumstances. You have what it takes to transcend them.

Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in the world. – Helen Keller

Yielding to your worst enemy is not an acceptable option. At first you yield then before you know it you will be waving the white flag and in all-out surrender mode. What should you do when confronted by your worst enemy? Stand up and fight self-pity until it retreats.

What poison is to food, self-pity is to life. – Oliver C. Wilson

Finding an antidote begins with identifying the source of the poison. If you have allowed self-pity to contaminate your days, take some to reflect on when and where you developed this habit.

Self-pity is a death that has no resurrection, a sinkhole from which no rescuing hand can drag you because you have chosen to sink. – Elizabeth Elliot

Here is a way you can rescue yourself from the sinkhole of self-pity. List three reasons you are going to choose to rise above your “poor me” mythology. Examples might include: (1) Because everyone makes mistakes. (2) Because there are women a lot worse off than me and (3) Because I am stronger than I think I am.

This is an excerpt from What to Divorce When You are Divorcing You can download a copy below:
What to Divorce When You are Divorcing

Photo Credit: Visual Hunt

Posted in What to Divorce When You Are Divorcing.

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