There is nothing more disheartening than to have a grown woman walk into my office, look me in the eye and tell me her marriage has broken down and then pretend that she has no clue why it happened. Let me share a conversation I had with a potential client, whom I will call Mrs. I Have No Idea What Went Wrong.
Client: My husband came home last week and after 12 years of marriage told me he wants to divorce.
Me: Did something happen?
Client: No, I have no idea what happened?
Me: Did he say anything else other than he wanted a divorce?
Client: He said he was tired of coming home after working 12-hour days while I stayed home and watched TV all day.
Me: Is that true?
Client: Yes, he has been complaining about that for the past three years.
Me: Did he say anything else?
Client: He said he was tired of me spending the money he was saving for kids college on shoes and clothes.
Me: Is that true?
Client: Yes, I promised him I would stop but two weeks ago he found out I had taken another $500 out of the account and ordered a bunch of stuff off the home shopping network.
Me: Did he say anything else?
Client: He said he had hoped I would take marriage counseling more seriously and that he was disappointed that I missed two of my three individual sessions. And he couldn’t understand why I didn’t take the counselors advice that I should seek treatment for a shopping addiction.
Me: Is that true?
Client: Yes, I felt like she was picking on me so I stopped going.
Me: Are you sure you don’t know why he wants a divorce?
Client: No, I told you I don’t have any idea what happened. I thought everything was good between us. He must be having an affair.
Why do women like Ms. I Have No Idea What Went Wrong pretend not to know what caused their marriages to breakdown? I don’t know for sure, but here’s my best guess: as long as we are pretending we don’t have a problem, we don’t have to take responsibility for fixing the problem we are pretending we don’t have.
The fact is, pretending not to know the source of your problems when it is blatantly obvious to everyone else on the planet may not stop you from moving on after your divorce. However, you don’t just want to move on for the sake of moving on. If your goal is to move on to bigger and better things than what you left behind, you have to stop pretending and start taking responsibility for your role in creating and contributing to the problems in your marriage.
This is an excerpt from What to Divorce When You Are Divorcing. Download your copy below:
What to Divorce When You are Divorcing
Photo Credit: Thomas Hawk on Visual Hunt