Dear Client:
In light of our previous discussion about your thoughts, beliefs and feelings, there is something important I think you should know.
No matter what you think about the opposing party, he is not your problem. No matter what you believe about the opposing party, he is not your problem. No matter how you feel about the opposing party, he is not your problem.
He is who he is and he is going to do whatever it is he is going to do. You can’t change who he is and you can’t control what he does.
The only way the opposing party is your problem is because you empower him to become your problem. You empower him to become your problem by allowing him to dictate how you will respond to what happens in the case. You empower him by allowing him to push your buttons. You empower him each time you react in a way that causes you to lose your focus and compromise your values.
The opposing party is not your problem because he does not have the power to dictate the outcome of the case. He will not be allowed to serve as either the judge or the jury. And unless he serves on the state legislature, he does not have the power to enact the laws that will govern your case.
The opposing party is not your problem because he has absolutely no say in how you are going to litigate your case. He is not your problem because what he thinks about you, what he believes you deserve or how he feels about you are not relevant to anyone but him.
The opposing party is not your problem because he does not have the power to define success or failure for anyone but himself. He is not the final arbiter or what it means to win or lose. And he did not write the dictionary that will be used to define who you are and how you are going to live your life.
The opposing party is not your problem unless you make him your problem. Who he is is not your problem unless you want him to be something other than who he is. What he does is not your problem unless you are holding your breath until he does something differently. What he says to you or about you is not your problem unless you are waiting for him to say something differently.
It will be tempting to make the opposing party your problem because he is the reason you are in litigation. He will sit across from you in court. He may get on your nerves and make you sick to your stomach. He may be backwards, unfair and ugly. He may be a problem, but don’t make him your problem. Making the opposing party your problem can distract you from your real problems.
Problems are situations and circumstances that can be resolved through a combination of time, energy and effort. Do you want to know what you call something that no amount of time, energy and effort can resolve? Those things are not called problems. Those things are life.
This is an excerpt from Letters to a New Divorce Client. Download a copy below:
Letters to a New Divorce Client
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